Author Archives: Erik Jahner, PhD

Geoffrey Cohen, a professor of Psychology at Stanford University, explores the science of self and sense of belonging in work, school, politics, relationships, and society at large. He works from an intervention perspective attempting to understand not through observation alone but through subtly adjusting the environment to change behavioral outcomes and understand how those adjustments interact with what individuals bring to situations. In his most recent book, Belonging: The Science of Creating Connections and Bridging Divides, Geoffrey shares his years of empirical research inviting you to implement a variety of concrete recommendations for building better more inclusive relationships illuminating what generates group divisions, social cohesiveness, and flourishing.

The book addresses what Geoffrey calls “situation-crafting” and “wise” interventions which are not about manipulating individuals but “catalyzing” the development of prosocial behaviors and beliefs which can lead to more psychologically healthy and productive working and learning environments. This involves not only understanding the environment but understanding what individuals bring to the situation through their diverse histories and current frames of mind. Geoffrey explains how this “dance” between the individual and the context facilitates individuals toward both antisocial and prosocial behaviors. Through this book you will reflect on what you are doing that might be catalyzing undesired behaviors in your communities and then learn how you as a manager, teacher, partner, friend, or member of a family can better create situational opportunities so that people can express their potential and feel valued for it – creating situations for belonging and thriving.

The author does an excellent job of framing research in ways that generate curiosity and deeper understanding. Regardless of your level of expertise, you will learn something new from his insights working directly with infamous research like that of the Stanford Prison Experiment demonstrating how situation crafting led everyday people to engage in deplorable behaviors toward fellow humans. I found myself consistently impressed and inspired by his and his colleagues’ creative and lively experiments devised to uncover mediating factors in slippery social psychological phenomena. Moreover, because Geoffrey adopts the philosophy that to truly understand something you must try to change it, his work is very translatable to improving everyday life.

Reducing or eliminating racial profiling in hiring, reducing recidivism rates among parolees, and intervening to reduce peer bullying in schools can often be accomplished through simple science-backed procedural changes like writing a couple of sentences, ten-minute writing activities, group reflections, or one-hour training modules that lead to greater connection across groups. The tools presented here also include subtle conversational adjustments such as adding “I think…” to position statements that invite discussion rather than an oppositional stance.  There is also enlightening in-depth analysis of what leads to the radicalization of individuals and what types of experiences lead them to a reevaluation of their actions and purpose. Overall, you will begin to view the social challenges in your personal and professional lives as opportunities to implement the new tools you will learn through this book.

As if this is not enough reason to read, the concepts are not only embedded in university research and metacognitive discussion, but they are entertainingly couched in historical examples, current tumultuous politics, personal parenting experience of the author, examples from science fiction miniseries like Black Mirror, popular literature, and numerous quotes from popular music. The book not only helps you understand the topic but offers these tapas of history and culture, making it an enjoyable and broad learning experience.

The powerful desire to belong is a mighty lever that has generated modern cultural divides and solidarity, terrorism and altruism, and destabilization and productive collaboration. Recognizing these dynamics will renew your commitment to life as a constructive and creative member of many communities.

Michele Borba begins this book by making a very important distinction: we have sought to raise children who strive, but while strivers can reach for more, they are left feeling empty and with dwindling psychological reserves when their goals are not met. A necessary ingredient is a deep inner strength and grounded identity where one explores who they are rather than simply trying to prove their worth with extrinsic grades and accomplishments. We need a generation of thrivers with strong cores and character strengths that will enable them to move forward with purpose as they build their identities and maximize their potential. In her book, Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine, she prepares us to teach our children and create the best environment for kids to develop the seven core character strengths that lead to flourishing: increasing their self-confidence, empathy, integrity, self-control, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism. But we do this, not by imposing our beliefs, but by listening to our children and helping them discover who they are becoming.

One appreciates the important distinctions Borba makes as she compares not only strivers and thrivers but also draws important distinctions between self-esteem and confidence. This important attention to the words we use is one of the author’s fundamental strengths. The book teaches the reader not only what to do but clarifies a vocabulary that frames the discussion. But these distinctions are not platitudes, she backs them up with research even to the point of discussing research that shows the benefit of asking children for “helpers” as opposed to asking for “help.” When do we ask ‘why?’ When do we ask ‘who?’ Throughout the text, we are shown the benefit of these subtle changes that we can make that can mean a lot for identity development.

The research-driven focus of this book is grounded in the voices of young people and how they are making sense of the culture they are growing up in. We hear how children are interpreting the intentions of adults and how they view their personal strengths and aspirations. You will quickly find that these authentic voices echo the youth in your life, but here Borba helps us to situate these ideas into themes that allow us to deeply attend to what our kids are saying leading us to ways we can better support them. Importantly these pages also alert the reader to the questions we are not asking our kids. This rich dialogic structure makes the book a fun read as you see the frank, often funny, and always insightful ways kids explain their world. It is these voices that bolster the concrete recommendations that permeate the pages.

From the first chapter, you can navigate the book as you see fit guided by the early surveys to assess character strengths. The surveys and activities make for an interactive and reflective read while stirring your creativity as you develop the long-term project of trying to support a child’s development. While some of these activities are simple boards or charts to help children build these essential skills, much of the book is dedicated to helping you change your conversations. Borba takes simple regular activities and life events and suggests how we can converse with kids to grow their character strengths and explore identity and motivation.

While this book gives recommendations geared toward toddlers to young adults, I would also argue that it is loaded to the brim with concrete advice for self-improvement for the adult reader. Yes, of course, it can help one be a better mentor, but it also helps the reader to turn the activities on themselves. Who among us does not believe our self-confidence, empathy, integrity, self-control, curiosity, perseverance, and optimism can use some tweaking as we search for our own actualized selves? Many of the life hacks you will find in this book will apply to you as well. What is your own inner language you use to coach yourself? What are some of the character strengths you would like to improve? And how can you do some simple activities to explore yourself and help ground your own identity?  If you are reading this book to be a better mentor, teacher, or parent, this book can take you along in their journey not as a guide, but also as a partner.